Oswald Chambers writes of “the last aching abyss of the human heart”—that bottomless depth we try to fill with anything but God. Tomorrow will mark five years since I got baptized, expecting to be made clean. What I really expected was instant healing of everything that had ever ailed me. I had no notion of what it looked like to “work out your salvation with fear and trembling.” No idea that when Jesus said, “Behold, I make all things new,” He meant it, and that every incorrect thought and every harmful way of being would have to be undone. That even still, I would endeavor to load my heart with human love, ambition, and control. That I would pry the scalpel out of God’s hands and cradle my wounds like they were all I had left. I had no idea that, when I let go and let Him begin to fill my misshapen cracks, those bottomless depths would turn into mountains I had before been too fearful to see—swallowed as I was, and in some ways, still am, in that last aching abyss of the heart.